The letters below are a representative sampling of posts to our email support group. All of the writers have granted us permission to re-print them here on our website. As you will see, an email group can be a very effective tool as part of a program of recovery. It’s quick, convenient, personal, and anonymous... making it especially attractive to those who don’t wish to attend face-to-face meetings, but recognize the value of getting external support from others in recovery who understand what they are going through. We hope that by reading these letters, you will benefit from the experiences of others.

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Hi all,

I tend to drink too much. I drink a glass of wine while cooking dinner and sip on it all evening until the whole bottle is gone. It is worse when my friend Ann comes to visit. I do drink too much, and I know it affects my family and me.

I was intrigued with the drug naltrexone when I discovered the Recovery 2000 web site. For many years I have had the 5:00 urge for the wine or a drink, even for just one glass. Now it has become excessive. I asked my GP for the prescription and he suggested I up my anti-depressant and get naltrexone from a psychiatrist that might be more familiar with it. These guys helped me find a Doctor here locally and I finally got the nerve to go ask for it. (Paid cash by the way to avoid insurance records.)

I started with 1/4 tablet and found myself highly irritable, fatigued, and having gastro-problems. The next night I waited until bedtime (to sleep through any irritable phase), but still with 1/4 tablet. That went much better. Now I am at 1/4 tab twice a day and plan on going to 1/2 tonight.

I had one glass of wine on Wednesday evening and could still feel the effects, but only had one glass. Last night I had a glass, but noticed the effects of the wine diminished tremendously. So now I'm working on upping the dosage and eliminating the wine.

I am a consultant and the mother of two boys, 5 & 8. I am 44 and my husband only drinks the occasional beer or two. There is alcoholism in three of the four grandparents, but no obvious alcoholism in my parents.

You guys and my friend Ann are the only ones that know about the path I am on now. I have not told my husband or any family yet. My husband tends to be critical of me and the less he knows the better for now. I need to be stronger to handle the criticism, and that will come later.

That's my story.

Jean (in Texas)

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Jean:

I'm delighted that you're experiencing some positive results with naltrexone. I am writing to welcome you to the naltrexone family, and to share a concern from your posting.

Particularly, your concern about the cost of being "found out". I understand your worry in this regard. I had the same concerns. As the leader of a growing group of companies, it was a difficult decision for me to travel from my home and work in Tennessee, for three weeks in Phoenix, AZ at ARCA. The costs of that decision were varied and several. Among them:

The obvious risk that my clients might find out and lose confidence in me; Revealing vulnerability to my employees; Being away from family and friends; and not least importantly, the risk that those closest to me would not understand.

What I want to share with you is my analysis of the cost of NOT doing it. Upon close examination, the cost of NOT doing whatever is necessary to recover from my dependence on alcohol would have been infinitely higher than the worse case in any of the risks that had concerned me. As it turns out, some of those risks came to pass -- and what I discovered was that I was not nearly as good at concealing my problem as I had thought. Most of the people who "found out" that I had gone to treatment, and was taking naltrexone already knew that I had a problem and were happy that I had decided to do something about it.

I am not suggesting that you broadcast your problem, or the things you're trying to do about them. I would however suggest that you examine the cost of hiding your problem and treatment. In my experience, that cost is higher than the cost of not hiding.

Anyway, we're delighted to have you as part of our little community and look forward to sharing this adventure with you. There are wonderful resources at your disposal here. I'm particularly fond of David and Lloyd at ARCA because they were both so very instrumental in my recovery. Wade on in ... the water is fine :)

Good luck,

Joe (in Tennessee)

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Julie...

I know exactly how you are feeling (and how you felt last night when you last posted).... I was so very sick and tired all the time and my main thought was how to get the booze... how to hide it... and to always, always have enough available and to have my belly full.

Last year at this time was the worst time of my life. I had just gotten fired because of my drinking, I kicked my husband out of the house and he took the kids, I was distancing myself from friends and family...in short... I was a total mess. Today... I am 1000% better...and all because I found the strength deep deep down inside of me to stop drinking and know that it would be hell for awhile...then the depression would set it. I knew all of this because I had tried to quit many many times but always thought "one more" wouldn't hurt...HA. The first few days...maybe weeks were very very hard...I had a wide mixture of feelings and emotions...I was really a roller coaster. But I knew without a doubt that not drinking eventually was a hell of a lot better than drinking. Today...eight months sober.... I like myself and am so proud of myself for the first time in my life. I am really living life now. So please don't think you can't do it...you can. Reach down inside of yourself for the strength to overcome this disease... The Naltrexone saved my life... I pray that it can save your life.

Maureen (in Indiana)

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Dear Coline...

I'm so sorry I haven't written you sooner... I just wanted to welcome you to the group and to wish you well in your decision to get back on the road to recovery (hopefully with the help of Naltrexone). I'm 57 years old and have been on it for a little over a month. It has made all the difference in the world. It has allowed me to be sober so that I can begin to deal with the other issues in my life.

Like you, I used alcohol to try to deal with painful, difficult situations in my family (even though my rational mind knew that alcohol would not solve anything). In addition to having the disease of addiction, I also struggle with depression and related conditions. So I think you and I have some things in common, and I just want to encourage you any way that I can :>} I know that you will receive wonderful support, encouragement, and information from David and others at Assisted Recovery. The book by Dr. Joseph Volpicelli, "Recovery Options" also helped me a lot with an overview of addiction and the treatment options available. You might want to get a copy. Good luck, and keep in touch.

Love and Prayers,

Julie (in Alabama)

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Hi everyone,

I don't know who knows me or not but I'm an old-timer to the AZ group. My name is Maureen and I live in Indiana. I have been married almost 19 years (now that is a long story)...and have two great, wonderful teenage kids, Sarah (17) and Ryan (15).

I started covering up my pain that I had from the abuse I incurred as a child and then as an adult the same way Jean did... a little wine at 5... then more then more... but for two years I took it further... had blackouts... couldn't remember movies I watched with the kids (bummer--but I am seeing them again now!)... got arrested and spent the longest 5 hours in jail for public intoxication (totally my low point). By the grace of God I was not arrested for drunk driving but I wrecked my car that night and broke my nose and was banged up...but they arrested me outside of the car (in an apartment I walked to... have NO idea how I got there!)...so it wasn't a DUI. I also lost my job that month, kicked my husband out of the house and he took the kids for awhile. Talk about wanting to end it all!!

But to make a long story short... I have somehow been blessed with a true miracle. I found the Assisted Recovery boys... and Naltrexone... and my faith all in a matter of weeks. I stopped drinking on October 23, 1999 and haven't had a sip since. (I had quite a few relapses before that). It was hell at first and that in itself is another story... but I knew in my heart that "I" was in my body somewhere and that the booze had hid me for a long time... I have been slowly emerging like a butterfly out of its cocoon for the last year and now I am flying around and loving every minute. Some days are hard because my relationship with my husband is the same... I have more financial worries than ever before... I have health worries right now... but wanting to drink to mask it all has not entered my mind for the first time in years. I AM BACK!!!! :)

So.... that is my story. I am unemployed but work sometimes for my brother in law in his marketing consulting business... and I have things on e-bay, so stop by if you like to sew and see what I have up for sale! I spend my time making quilts, cross stitching, cooking, reading ALOT and being an "at home" mom and being here for my kids.

Thanks for listening and how about someone else’s turn?

Maureen (in Indiana)

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Hi Everyone,

For those of you who remember me... this is Pam from Denver. I just wanted to touch bases with you guys; haven't read the list's emails for a week, now; need to read 170 messages to see how you all are doing and catch up. But I wanted to at least check in. As some of you know, I have been in AZ for the past 2 mos. attending the Assisted Recovery program, and working with David and Lloyd. I am now in Denver visiting my husband and my home for 2 wks. It feels wonderful to be home; but I was EXTREMELY leery about coming back, because I did all my drinking in my home; isolating in my home. I've been here 9 days now.

It's gone pretty well; although last Sat. I was a NERVOUS WRECK...why, I don't know. I'm sure you guys can relate. Found myself going to the liquor store and buying myself a 1/2 pint of vodka. Came straight home and gave it to my husband. That was a HUGE turning point for me; before I would have drank it. Even though I knew I probably wouldn't get a buzz (cause I'm on the Naltrexone) and probably end up with a huge headache, I was still going to drink it. Why? Because for the last 25yrs of my life, that is how I have coped. I knew it would temporarily take the "pain" away... I know this is nothing new to anybody; I just had to share this episode with you guys. For some reason; this time I was able to rationalize what I was doing, and keep the bad little sucker away, who tells me that I CAN just drink this one time; that I CAN handle it... right!!! Anyway, it just gave me confidence to know that I just might be able to beat this thing...

Thanks for listening and sorry this note is so long. I'll check my messages now, to see if you guys are all OK.....

Pam (in Colorado)

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Well it has been three weeks since I left AZ it has surely been a good time. Alcohol is simply no longer a part of my life. I get the occasional urge for a drink but it passes very quickly. I have successfully navigated through a variety of social situations where liquor was present without trouble. There have been several work and family difficulties during the last few weeks and I am dealing with them without escaping into a bottle of Absolute. The naltrexone is exactly what I needed to give me an edge in dealing with this disease. I'm working out one to three hours a day and I'm starting to feel pretty good, the first week or so I found I was sleeping more the usual but it has seemed to pass. I can report no other negative side effects from the medication. I will continue with updates, regards to Lloyd. Thanks again.

Paul (from Illinois)

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Hi Lenora,

You are really on the right road now. I am 16 months sober and I can't stress enough the peace I feel in my life now. My problems and situation that I thought caused the drinking is the same but it is ME that have changed. That is the main thing people with our problem have to learn.... how to cope with life without drinking.

I have never heard of a person who has stopped and healed to say "my life was so much better when I was drinking". It will take awhile for your brain chemistry to heal but it will and you will be thankful for the strength you had to give it time to heal. So many people give up when they don't feel "good" immediately. Just give it time and day by day you will recover and feel healthier and with more energy.

I am Maureen, (about time I introduced myself!!) I live in Indiana, have been married for 19 years, 2 children (Sarah 17) and (Ryan 15), 2 dogs (Nikki and Rosie) and a Siamese cat (MaiTai). I now work "almost" full time again after losing my job 2 years ago due to drinking. I'm working on my marriage full force and pray to God that I can keep it together...the kids so desperately need us to. Oh...I'm 46.

Take care and keep in contact...that also helps a lot. Another thing I did at first was to drink a lot of fruit juices. I was on Naltrexone for about 7 months... but STAY on it!! When I stopped (in the beginning) and relapsed at first.... it was a bumpy road!!! But in time you heal but you have to give your body a chance by staying on the medication and staying in touch with others.

After about 6 months or so...your body seems to be healed enough to not need the Naltrexone...I stopped after that time...and have NEVER craved again!!! As a matter of fact...last night we went out to eat and the only table left was in the bar... I had NO problem what-so-ever. I was happy that I was feeling so strong about it. I had a diet coke, remained alert and had a great time.

With hugs,

Maureen (in Indiana)

**

Denise,

HANG IN THERE IT GETS BETTER!!!!!!!!! I like you drank to cope and alleviate stress. I had to learn other ways to relax other than to drink a few glasses of wine. I honestly in the beginning wasn't sure I would be able to find anything else that would work. But I did, and you can too. It is trial and error. I go to a quiet place (which is hard with 3 kids and a husband) put on my favorite CD which is soft music and just let my mind go and concentrate on relaxing. Try taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly and feeling the tension leave starting at the top of your head and working your way down. It takes time to get the hang of it. But it works for me. I also try long baths with just candles lit and bath salts in the water.

Being that I have a family if I am really stressed or irritable. I tell them I am going to my room or taking a bath and not to disturb me for 1/2 hour no matter what. You have to learn to be selfish and take those breaks when you need them. It will help you stay sober and not reach for that drink when you are really uptight.

Denise, it really does get better. I have been sober over 3 months now and I am dealing with stress better, I feel better, and am finally able to start doing other things that I enjoy with out alcohol. I know it is difficult but this is the best thing you may have ever done for yourself. It is also probably the hardest. But the rewards and quality of life are worth it. If you would like to talk, please email me off list and I'll send you my toll free number or I'll call you if that is better. The easiest time for me to talk is after 9:00 PM at night. My house is pretty hectic from 4:00 - 9:00.

You can do this. You are strong, the strength that got you this far will keep getting stronger and get you all the way, sometimes you just have to look hard for it. But it is there.

I hope you are feeling better today.

Pittsburgh Patty

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I want to let you know that I am continuing to do very well. The 25mgm of Naltrexone is working. I very rarely am aware of any cravings/urges to pick up a drink. I am continuing with my recovery meetings here in Tucson (Women's AA meeting, Big Book study, individual therapist and also group recovery weekly meetings). Ken (my husband) continues to be a great support to me. Ken and I are enjoying life in all its aspects again.

It is interesting that even though the material I am receiving at my weekly group recovery meetings is now actually repeat info I am picking up on info I missed in a previous class. Just Thursday we saw a film about the neuroreceptors and the damage we have inflicted on them. It continues to amaze me on how resilient the body is.

I have spent some time today reading many of the messages I had not taken to the time to keep up on. It is a definite reality check to realize the Naltrexone does not work for everyone. I wonder if I had been prescribed the med really early in my recovery if I would have been ready for it. I had to go through the learning of the struggles (my own self-awareness of the actual inner self-struggle) before I could appreciate the relief I now feel. I wish all could be a lucky as I.

Thank you for being there when Ken was looking for help for me.

Lenora (in Arizona)

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Hi All-

I have been on Naltrexone for about 1 week. I am having very angry bouts and feel very tense and wound up. Is this normal? I even yelled at the dogs. Poor dogs didn't deserve that. How do I cope? Any and ALL suggestions are greatly appreciated. I am still having weird dreams too. Hope this all passes SOON.

This is soooo hard. I wish that I had never started drinking in the first place. And even more than that, I wish that I had not used it to cope with life and stress. NOW what am I going to do when I feel like exploding or stress over a hard test or ..... or....

Dianne (in Ohio)

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Dear Dianne,

All I can say is that I understand and it does get easier. You have to learn how to feel all those feelings that you have been suppressing with alcohol and it can be painful at times but on the other hand, the ups are even brighter. Please let me know if you wish to talk more. Do you have ICQ or AOL Instant Messenger?

Jennie (in Arizona)

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Dianne-

HANG IN THERE IT GETS BETTER!!!!!!!!! Like you, I drank to cope and alleviate stress. I had to learn other ways to relax other than to drink a few glasses of wine. I honestly in the beginning wasn't sure I would be able to find anything else that would work. But I did, and you can too. It is trial and error. I go to a quiet place (which is hard with 3 kids and a husband) put on my favorite CD which is soft music and just let my mind go and concentrate on relaxing. Try taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly and feeling the tension leave starting at the top of your head and working your way down. It takes time to get the hang of it. But it works for me. I also try long baths with just candles lit and bath salts in the water.

I hope you are feeling better today.

Pittsburgh Patty

**

Dear Dianne...

I'm hoping that now that you've increased your naltrexone dosage from 25mg a day to 50mg a day, that you'll be feeling a little less stressed out today. It may be, however, that like many of our other clients (especially the women) you may have to go to 100mg per day to get the best effect. Please keep me closely posted (off list) so that we can make the appropriate adjustments. You'll probably get some good advice from some of the others on the list too.

You asked the question "Now what am I going to do...?" to deal with anger, stress, and all of life's other little problems... without alcohol. Not to mention, how do I celebrate, and have fun... without alcohol?

That's pretty much the central question of Recovery. Naltrexone is just a tool that helps you to maintain abstinence without suffering from the physical cravings for alcohol (which cause so many people to lapse, and relapse.)

Recovery is about learning to find a new way to deal with life... both the good things and the bad... without resorting to alcohol. Unlearning the old, self-destructive habits and re-learning some new, more positive and beneficial habits.

It's not easy. But it is WORTH IT.

David
(List Moderator)

Contact Assisted Recovery today at
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